¿ Questions ?

So I was lying around waiting to fall asleep when i started thinking about him </3 . I tought how everyone says you just really love him Rae . Can bretrayl and lies topped with sweet words be love ? Can the crying and pain be love ? Maybe I did love him but I cant possibly anymore I mean can I ? Everytime we talk idk what to feel ; happy , mad , sad , hurt , loved , INLOVE .... What is it ? Why do I still fall for his tricks and games ? Why am I crying over a guy whos not even mine ? Why am I asking why? Everyone seems to move on after crushes so why cant I ? Why has he got a grip on my heart ? Why cant he see the hurt ? Why should he care ? Why should anyone care ? Why do I care , Silly Silly girl why do you refuse to get hurt ? It's funny cause the people who know about him say they care , Do They ? Do they just think i stupid and or desperate ? Why should it matter ? I know the answer to question .. Why I have a wall ? My wall will keep me from opening up to people and him .. So No one has to be burden or annyoned by me and i can keep my distance from him . Do you know what he said about the wall ? I asked him if i had a wall would he wait to be let it . Why did i ask him ? His reply "Id break the wall down !" . Why did he say thay ? Why do I hurt? Smh