Everybody Leaves OneDay

I guess I am cursed or something because I cant make a long lasting friendship at all. Something always happens . Like in prep school I had these friend Danae , Adrianna and Taylor . We were friends from 3 to 6th grade . Not like besties or anything but we were pretty cool . Then after 6th grade you go off to high school and we all went to seperate ones and thats was the end of that , we dnt ever talk  ! Then i got to high school and I had my friend Trisanya (currently my best friend i think) . We had made friends
in the 6th grade and we ended up in the same class for 1st form ( 7th grade) . Now I hated high school with a passion but there was still something that kept me there . Soon I made friends with these awesome girls Roianne and Jamiel .. these girls were awesome , had my back through most things except for a few bad spots .. I didnt think anything cud ever breakup these 3 awesome friendship then I finnaly got my wish to leave Jamaica and come back here but I guess all that time i never tought of the consequences .. when I left all I got was were gonna miss you , a few tears mostly from Roianne and the occasionalyy good riddens but I belived all this bull crap that people were really gonna miss me sad isnt it. I talk to Roianne and Jai maybe once a month .... and our convo arent about anything and never last .. these girls know shit about me I barely told myself :( ... then Trissy we tlk but for like 5 secs ans then itz just dead .. she called me yesterday and we tlked but then that was it .. it hurts cause these are the people that rescued me from myself , the ones that took me out the dark corner. Then I got here cried for weeks didnt think id ever fit in ( still dnt ) but freshmam year I manged to make atleast six friends awesome people ..  by the end of the year 2 moved , 2 basically stopped talking to me , 1 i never saw here anymore , but one lasted i spent most of Summer with her , Shabrieka was my ride or die forever then shit happened Sophmore year we didnt get any classes together not even lunch . Now were almost at the end of Soph Year and I have 5 friends , 1 barely talks to me  and is about to move , 1 i see every other day n we barely tlk  anymore , 1 i only have lunch with so we bearly see each other , 1 i got lunch and a class with but it the end of the semester which means things change nxt year and the last 1 words cannot explain how much of a lifesaver shes been , always there to make me eat when i dnt want to , always telling me not to make mistakes again , always there to tlk she is one awesome friend and now she might move too so yh Ill be alone by nxt semester .. now dnt get me wrong there are many people who i can always have a convo with in class or in the hall but i wnt have anyone to catch me when I fall which only means Im gonna fall again I am gonna crawl right back in that dark corner and whos gonba rescue me this time Im already half way there . Sigh .. Eh...Life

1,2,c,4,e,f "No! No ! 1,2,3,4,5,6" says society

Do you remember when you were little and you always said you want to grown up I bet you regret that ! As a child I was always jealous of the big kids but now I am that big kid and I am jealous of the little kids.They Live in a care-free world where the only thing that hurts the most is when the girl/guy you like steals your crayon , haha . Eh...Life ( you would know about that from the last post). This isn't me this isn't what I wanted to be , the depressed one , the sad girl or the broken one . I wanted to be that free spirited person living for me . I wanted to wear wateva the heck i freaking feel like but according to society i must wear skinny jeans and cute tops and make my hair cute well u know what Fuck Society .. If its the last thing i do before i finish high school i wanna start a Teens Against The Norm Club .. For teens who dnt follow every rule of society , all the big girls who still want to eat cupcakes , all the skinny girls who dnt try to overeat and get sick , for all the girls who haircuts cute stylish haircuts that fit them , the guys who don't swag , the ones who get the good grades and worry about the girls ltr , the guys who have amazing dreams and goals , the guys writing inspirational music like Jake Miller , even the gays n lesbians.. basically for anyone who wants to do their own thing but have no where to.... I'm sorry i don't want to be a lawyer or doctor , im sorry i suck at math but guesd what I write and never stop , im creative and I can act but those are not practical right ? I told my mom I wanted to major in theatre arts she nearly had a heart attack i think so i changed it to journalist and just hope for the best right cuz itz not my life itz her extra life she got when she didnt do what she wanted . I can't wait till I have children .. Today I make a promise to help keep their live stress free , to try hard to know if they need me and to hear them out before i shut their ideas down !!

Life...Eh

So I've had one hell of a few weeks . I'm an not sure how describe it is like I'm happy then I'm sad I'm happy then sad again but this week it has been sad then fake happy so you can keep others happy or those around you happy so I have not really been doing me . Don't get me wrong I am not this super happy care free person but I have been the bottle everything up and building a wall type of person and now I have no clue what is going in my life . I've actually been using that word as a response to everything like someone said I got two tests today I said Eh..Life , someone said I forgot I had to fix it I said again Eh...Life , I said it because I am not sure how to help people anymore . I use to be able to help anybody with most things now I don't what to say . Like my friend she has been crying and I usually know what to say but now I am just blurting out freaking folishness . Plus I fucked her day probaly her week and why I don't know probaly caused my life is so awful my brain was like c'mon Raeven let's fuck up and I feel so awful now I wanna go back and not say what I did and go beat up the person who started a rumor but I cannot because I have no clue who it is , the girl who told just rides my bus and I was walking with her n her friends cause my friend ditched me . I feel like crap ! Second time I fucked up like before
this week when I was the reason we burnt chocolate and messed up a fundraiser . Eh ... Life Right ! I've also been so frustrated things are not going right like in Vid Prod. Class im Director for the short film  and this little fucking white bitch keeps insulting me for no good reasons . I have hated her for awhile now and I shes just fueling the fire that is my fucked up life . Guess what else is frustrating my best friends are not around there all the way in a different country so it is like hard for me to talk to them espically this week like I was trying to talk to my guy bestfriend ( I guess that what he is) but we never can get online at the same time partly because I been so stressed I just wanna sleep and the fact that I have that sleeping disorder thingy starts with a N and it really hurts cause for some reason when I talk to everyone else they talk about the situation him he finds the best foolishness and weirdest stuff to say which makes me feel better and then my girl bestfriend I talk to but never long enough to really talk to her . I guess it is all this big messed up thing I call My Life . You know that song with those lyrics that go I just wanna be loved for me , smile for me , and do me by that black girl yh u know it . I really just need a Restart ! A big Restart ! Love You Guys !