Sophomore Year and Popularity

So next week this time i will be sitting in a classroom ,I should be in third block or maybe fourth I forgot . It will be start of sophomore year . This year I want to be different . Freshman year I had just migrated and felt awful all year and did a lot of crying . All I ever wanted to do was talk to my friends in Jamaica . I always was feeling left out , slow , alone , and like I would never fit in . This year I want new friends , mainly cause I've learned to accept that I'm not going back home and that these people are going to be with me till 2016 and maybe longer , this year I don't want to come off as the lonely depressed girl who hates everybody also this year I want to be happy. Last year I remember how most off August and September I cried like my world was ending plus a lot of time afterwards . Some people saw as the girl with anger issues , the girl with a mouth , the girl who pops pills and I hated that so much but could never change it . Freshman year I did a lot of trying ( if that's the right word ) ; I tried to fit in , I tried to be someone I wasn't and this is going sound stupid but I also tried to make enemies . I know I'm stupid !! I did all of that so I could be popular . Following other people and making fake friends isn't what I wanted . I just really wanted to fit in . I was the new girl . All these people had already made theirs friend and had their social circles I just wanted to not feel so alone all the time (even though i still ended up feeling that way) . I'm gonna change though , popularity wont be my priority .

Bring me to my next point What is Popularity ??
The oxford dictionary defines popularity as the state or condition of being liked, admired, or supported by many people 
Well five awesome friends is many to me and they like me or we would not be friends .. 
So just cause my whole school doesn't know my name doesn't mean I'm not important or liked and I'm gonna put that into effect this year . 

Look out Wheeler High School Raeven Rodney Sophomore New and Improved <3 <3 

Friendships

So Ive had a few friendships in my life . In prep school i had three friends D.B , A.B & T.C . By sixth grade T.C had kinda moved on but none of us talk anymore D.B became a mean girl towards me . All Im saying is i hated prep school anyway.
Today Ive got another three girls R.T ,J.H. & T.M . T.M is suppose to be my best friend but sometimes I wonder if the distance is getting to us . J.M & R.T those are my girls i can't do much without telling them .
Sometimes distance gets to us too . I wont elaborate on the problems in my friendships cuz
1.They will end up reading this
2. Why talk about something you cant fix
3. I love their stupid crazy butts either way
I hav big bros Mikey , Smiley and Alex and just bros JJ , i had another but nt anymre . I really love having these great people in my life plus a few others and then theres the whole M.C thing . He my guy best friend/crush . Sigh . Its every girl's worse nightmare the guy they could talk to becomes they guy they talk about ... I hope to never lose these awesome ppl but sometimes I wonder why I feel alone all the time .. I guess its truly because ive just migrated and still havent made solid friendships i made one first semester named Niki she was kl and she knows about M.C but i think i might have annoyed her another reason for the wall ( i cant annoy ppl with my problems ) but all my people are in Jamaica my home and becuz of the time dif school dif everything is just so complicated . Ill figure everything out eventually . It will take time !!!

¿ Questions ?

So I was lying around waiting to fall asleep when i started thinking about him </3 . I tought how everyone says you just really love him Rae . Can bretrayl and lies topped with sweet words be love ? Can the crying and pain be love ? Maybe I did love him but I cant possibly anymore I mean can I ? Everytime we talk idk what to feel ; happy , mad , sad , hurt , loved , INLOVE .... What is it ? Why do I still fall for his tricks and games ? Why am I crying over a guy whos not even mine ? Why am I asking why? Everyone seems to move on after crushes so why cant I ? Why has he got a grip on my heart ? Why cant he see the hurt ? Why should he care ? Why should anyone care ? Why do I care , Silly Silly girl why do you refuse to get hurt ? It's funny cause the people who know about him say they care , Do They ? Do they just think i stupid and or desperate ? Why should it matter ? I know the answer to question .. Why I have a wall ? My wall will keep me from opening up to people and him .. So No one has to be burden or annyoned by me and i can keep my distance from him . Do you know what he said about the wall ? I asked him if i had a wall would he wait to be let it . Why did i ask him ? His reply "Id break the wall down !" . Why did he say thay ? Why do I hurt? Smh