Life...Eh

So I've had one hell of a few weeks . I'm an not sure how describe it is like I'm happy then I'm sad I'm happy then sad again but this week it has been sad then fake happy so you can keep others happy or those around you happy so I have not really been doing me . Don't get me wrong I am not this super happy care free person but I have been the bottle everything up and building a wall type of person and now I have no clue what is going in my life . I've actually been using that word as a response to everything like someone said I got two tests today I said Eh..Life , someone said I forgot I had to fix it I said again Eh...Life , I said it because I am not sure how to help people anymore . I use to be able to help anybody with most things now I don't what to say . Like my friend she has been crying and I usually know what to say but now I am just blurting out freaking folishness . Plus I fucked her day probaly her week and why I don't know probaly caused my life is so awful my brain was like c'mon Raeven let's fuck up and I feel so awful now I wanna go back and not say what I did and go beat up the person who started a rumor but I cannot because I have no clue who it is , the girl who told just rides my bus and I was walking with her n her friends cause my friend ditched me . I feel like crap ! Second time I fucked up like before
this week when I was the reason we burnt chocolate and messed up a fundraiser . Eh ... Life Right ! I've also been so frustrated things are not going right like in Vid Prod. Class im Director for the short film  and this little fucking white bitch keeps insulting me for no good reasons . I have hated her for awhile now and I shes just fueling the fire that is my fucked up life . Guess what else is frustrating my best friends are not around there all the way in a different country so it is like hard for me to talk to them espically this week like I was trying to talk to my guy bestfriend ( I guess that what he is) but we never can get online at the same time partly because I been so stressed I just wanna sleep and the fact that I have that sleeping disorder thingy starts with a N and it really hurts cause for some reason when I talk to everyone else they talk about the situation him he finds the best foolishness and weirdest stuff to say which makes me feel better and then my girl bestfriend I talk to but never long enough to really talk to her . I guess it is all this big messed up thing I call My Life . You know that song with those lyrics that go I just wanna be loved for me , smile for me , and do me by that black girl yh u know it . I really just need a Restart ! A big Restart ! Love You Guys !