Junior Year

Haven't been here in awhile .............

So my summer started 48 days ago and with less than a month to go till it starts again I decided it's time for my "list of  things I hope to accomplish this school year but probably won't" list! I'm like that person with the new year's resolution list where the year keeps getting crossed and changed to the next year. It's pathetic I know.

So it is my Junior year of high school which basically means S.A.Ts , Labs , Colleges Decisions , Preparing for Senior Project , Physics and a JOB. Can you say stress? Okay now say it 5x fast , underwater in the middle of the ocean. I could barely stay focused on writing this , between the last sentence and this one I went on instagram like some pics, posted a pic, replied to some comments, browsed facebook and sent a few messages and took some pictures; it's sad how short my attention span is. So I know this year is going to be tough.

I really do want to accomplish some things on my list this year though like #1. Love myself . I want to be able to wake up in the morning , walk past the mirror and not care wtf I look like. I want to get dressed for school once and be happy with it, not change six times because I'm thinking of what other people may think (I swear one thing I miss about going to school in Jamaica is the uniforms). I want to walk in the hall with confidence!! A little bit of my self-confidence/self-esteem is being restored piece by piece by a great friend (won't call him my best friend anymore it's too weird to say) but he can't do it all which means New Wardrobe, more clothes I'm comfortable in 24/7 (oh how my closet well be filled with skinny jeans and sweats) and I'm thinking about changing my hair we will see.

Number two on my list is better study habits . Like I skipped two exams this year because I knew I would never pass them even if I tried because I could barely remember what I learnt a week before imagine a whole semester and what college wants to see exempted all over a transcript. Also by Senior year I plan to do dual enrollment, I got accepted to start this year but I just don't think I can manage it this year. At Least by Senior year I should have a car which means I can get back and forth to the college and I will be done with S.A.Ts. I think taking college math while in high school will be really helpful because I can still come to my high school teachers if I have an issue. I can't get to Senior year though if I don't survive Junior year , so S.A.T prep starts as soon as I get home (I'm in Jamaica now), Math tutoring starts as soon a school starts back up and the phone will be retired every day between 4:30 and 8:00 to allow time for homework and studying. Binders , Binders and more Binders I don't care if I'm walking around school dragging my bag there will be a S.A.T binder , a Math binder , a Journalism Binder , a English Binder , a Writing binder , a Physics binder for sure .. I don't care you can't make it anywhere without working your ass off !!!!

The rest of my list isn't as important but as long as I have those first two in progress I'm sure I can make it.

I've also decided it's time to retire my life here in Jamaica it was fun while it lasted but I can tell everyone else is starting to move on so I can too. I can't keep living in the past and unfortunately this is my past. This will forever be my blood , the team I root for at olympics or anytime there's a Jamaican somewhere because I may not have been born Jamaican but I sure was raised Jamaican. I just won't be home as often and maybe I'll stop writing it on everything and maybe I will finally get rid of my stuff in the closets and drawers at Grandma's house, that kinda stuff. My friend's here will forever be my #DayOnes and hopefully atleast my three most important friendships will last right through college and adulthood even miles away #Tris&Rae #RJR and I don't have a hashtag for the last one but still  I really don't wanna lose that.
#Tris&Rae - We have been going strong since 6th grade. Our friendship is like a rollercoaster but I swear that's my lifesaver and my escape plan since my grandma loves her . I could never forget all the memories we've made including the fights because they just made me more reluctant to losing her.#Besties4Ever I hope!! She's the type of person you can't stay mad at because she makes my life awesome and gives pretty good advice !!
#RJR - Roianne, Jamiel and Raeven . The two El Instituto girls and the Belair brat ( joking I was never a brat). Okay so we've been friends since 7th grade not really sure how it happened though but we really became besties in 8th grade. Not much that I did that these girls didn't know about. They opened up a new side of me and I can never stop loving them for that. I hope to never lose the bond we have because it's a weird but fun one.
#WhoKnows - Ha. We became friends one year can't remember which one think it was 8th grade but it feels longer than that either way I'm glad we did . He became someone I could trust and depend on very fast and no matter how many emotions I go through he is still there (it's why I owe him a lot like half my life). Our friendship has been rocky but amazing and nothing like my other friendships and even if something does happen or we just start to drift apart I'll never forget the conversations (On that late night shit). He's the reason my smile came back and thats why he's best friend to me I just won't call him that.

That's it for now !!! Probably won't be back till August 3rd ( day before school start). Hope you enjoyed your journey through my mind.
- Rae's Thoughts